Depending On God In My Weakness

As we have enjoyed welcoming our daughter Norah, my biggest challenge (other than the usual sleep deprivation) has been.....me. At first I blamed Adam for moving into the two's and for the associated battle of wills and the steep learning curve of disciplining a toddler. I blamed Norah for this, Dave for that....but when I was really able to take a step back and look at how I've been, I had to admit that I am my own greatest challenge.

It all boils down to one thing: I am very good at trying to do things in my own strength and forgetting - or even actively ignoring - God. And because I am a finite being whose SuperWife and SuperMom facades crumble in short time, I can be ultra cheerful one minute, and dashed to the ground by the next. And then I feel like I am a failure, couldn't possibly be lovable let alone able to love anyone else, etc. etc.....And finally I realize afresh that this is actually the good news: I should be grateful for these mini-crash-and-burns because I think it's really God helping me to avoid a BIG one!

So as of this morning, I am beginning a new daily habit which involves at least 15 minutes in journal-style prayer and 15 minutes reading the Bible. This may sound pretty basic or obvious - but it's really not something I've ever actually done! It's kind of like how for years as a young adult I received Self magazine in the mail and then one day had the epiphany: "Exercise and eat well. That's the key!" I cancelled my magazine subscription because I realized that all it did was repackage that same idea in a zillion ways, and what I needed to do was just to do it!