Loving My Enemy

Over four years ago I left a job which, despite some promotions and trying to make the best of things, had been a fairly traumatic experience relationally. I really felt for awhile as if I was in a sort of emotional recovery, and for several years I had nightmares about my former boss. She was not overtly mean to me; in fact, she really counted on me and liked me a lot. But the micromanaging, blame-shifting, and chaotic/divisive management style took its toll on my self-confidence and well-being. Ever since then, I’ve been dreading running into her, and it’s amazing that for four years, Riverside has been big enough for me to not see her in a store or on the street despite her living fairly close by our current house. She called me about a year after I quit to say hi and to see if we could get together, and I said as graciously as I could, “Oh, we’ll probably run into each other soon at Canyon Crest.”

About six months ago, I had my first positive dream about my old boss. I dreamt that I ran into her at a store and that even though she gave me a suffocating hug, I had a peace and sense of separateness from her that was healthy and joyful. The occasional nightmares ended after that dream, and for the first time I felt that if I did run into her, I would be okay.

Recently I took Adam to Target and, as I put him in the shopping cart, I saw the recognizable license plate of her husband (and as neurotic as this will sound, I always look at what I know to be his make of car in case its him – it’s still a reflex for me that I haven’t shaken yet). I paused and thought how good it was of God to warn me that I was going to run into him or them in Target, and I felt peace as I said (half to myself and half to God), “Okay, I’m ready.”

Adam and I walked in, and there she was in the makeup section. She hadn’t seen me, but I decided to initiate conversation and confront my fear (after all, that is a theme for me in my vision this year!). We hugged and chatted for a bit – I had left on good terms as I didn’t want to burn bridges – and her husband came up to join us and talk for a moment, too (not even a smile from him, but he was courteous). Having Adam with me helped ground me in the reality of God’s goodness and love for me, but I admit I smiled inside a little when he gave her a really dirty look (Lord knows I’m not perfect!)! She dropped a pen and I picked it up. This was significant to me because in the past, I would have picked it up because I felt less than her or like her servant; as I bent down I had the distinct feeling in my heart that this is what Jesus would have done: loved his enemy – even in this “little” way. I straightened up and handed her the pen, feeling strong in heart and like an equal adult with her. She gave me her business card and said she hoped I’d keep in touch. I wished her well, and we parted ways.