Transformation of the Outer (and Inner) Woman

I've changed alot this past year! Something loosened up in my spirit - I'm trying new things, I'm realizing ways I want to change at my very core, I'm changing how I look on the outside to the point that even my coworkers sometimes don't recognize me at first glance!

I was stubborn about my weight for a long time. I wanted so much to just believe that people loved me for who I am rather than what I look like, but the bottom line was that I'm the one who didn't love how I looked. Being motivated by other people's opinions just doesn't work. Surviving cancer was the jolt I needed to move in a positive direction, and in the process it hit home that making healthy choices is actually empowering! Shedding twenty pounds has done wonders for how I feel about myself (I have about 15 lbs. more to go to reach a helathy BMI).

Just before my birthday this August I bought a bathing suit. I hadn't bought a bathing suit in over ten years!!! It's the first time I have ever felt totally comfortable walking around in a bathing suit, let alone sexy!

I'm eating Gardenburgers and liking them! I'm eating tofu and...starting to like it! And my daughter is trying these new things along with me - she likes cabbage! and beets! and salmon! That I am modeling a healthy lifestyle (healthy eating and regular exercise) and that my kids are catching on is really, really exciting to me! Taking the time to change ourselves has an incredible effect on our families!!!

Losing weight has also completely changed my experience of clothes shopping. I rarely shop for clothes since money is tight, but also because it was so discouraging realizing what I would buy was shoes or accessories since finding clothes I felt good/looked good in was a rare experience for me. To walk up to a rack and have to pass up the designs I liked for what fit meant that I wasn't able to really choose and develop my own style. And now! I just used my birthday money at Anthropologie - and everything that I took into the dressing room fit (even all the medium size shirts)! I chose what I wanted, not just because it fit! Who knew that losing weight could be so transformative on so many levels?!?

These days I have the feeling of "I can do that!" and "I'll try that!" - and I do! I'll jump in the pool, I'll try indoor rockclimbing, I'll start biking to work on occasion (now able to bike all the way up the hill to our house, too!), I'll wear those colors, I'll talk to that person, I'll paint that, I'll cook that, YES!!! And that is totally the spirit I want to model for our kids - a boldness and a willingness to try, to move beyond anxiety or addiction and live life with their whole (healthy) selves, to be grateful to God for who he has made us to be and want to be the very best and bless others to the fullest of our capacities!

Sometimes this feels like such a personal, inwardly focused journey, and it does take alot of ongoing thinking about myself and how I operate so that I can change these long-standing patterns. Sometimes I'm too self-focused. But as the pendulum swings around, it is gradually coming to the right place, and I am so grateful for the journey. Join me!