Transformation

I love that butterflies are considered a symbol for eternal life. I once read an article about human transformation in which it was mentioned that in the cocoon, the caterpillar becomes a sort of "glop" in which resides the DNA to transform it into a butterfly (http://www.leavingthesaints.com/transform.html). Inherent in the caterpillar's makeup is the ability to be changed into the butterfly, yet somehow, it is the same creature that undergoes that transformation. I think this is a great illustration for the concept that Jesus loves who he has made us to be, and that simultaneously he holds out hope to us for who we are becoming. He knows that we have it in us to be transformed in a way that is mysterious, gradual, and yes, even astounding.

Through January and February of this year, I suddenly began to experience some post-traumatic stress surrounding my colon cancer surgery and recovery. Daily I would remember the feeling of the tubes in my throat and nose and how vulnerable and powerless I felt in my hospital bed despite an overall peace that God gave me during that time. I cried often, scared that I would have to experience this again, that the cancer would come back despite the excellent diagnoses and tests that I've had in the six months since the surgery.

Then, one Sunday at church, my pastor shared with us the story of how he was running along and holding the seat of his daughter's bicycle as she was learning to ride it. She kept looking back, fearful that her dad had let go of the seat, and he continually reassured her: "I'm right here, sweetheart. Daddy's right here. Just look forward. Relax and enjoy the ride." I was shocked by how exactly this rang true in my own heart. I was looking back anxiously, expecting God to "let go" when I wasn't looking, and fearful of encountering cancer all over again. With all my heart I wanted to move forward in gratitude for what God had done and an ability to embrace the renewed strength that God has given me.

I walked up front during the prayer time after the sermon and two women approached me to pray for me who I'd never met before, but I was grateful for their kind and gentle approach. As we began to pray I realized that part of what I have been upset about was the abrupt break from breastfeeding Norah when I had to go into the hospital. We prayed through this and the other fears and feelings I just mentioned, and in the midst of it all I prayed specifically for Norah, that God would care for her in any way that she felt abandoned during that time. I wish I could convey here in words how I felt like a new woman after this prayer time, and these fearful flashbacks have not returned since!

I was also surprised by hearing one of the two women (age about 21) share with me that her own mom had died of breast cancer when she was 13, and that her youngest sister was 2 when their mom passed away- she said she was very encouraged by praying for me. I had felt that there was a particular importance to articulating my prayers for Norah, and I think it was partly because God was also having me to pray for this young woman indirectly! Isn't it amazing how thorough God is!?!